Where did that person I fell in love with go?
If you are feeling like you could be enjoying your relationship more, rest assured you are not alone! That pretty much covers everyone who has made it past the initial honeymoon stage at some point or another. Falling in love with your partner again (and your relationship!) is a process that can takes a lot of time and effort without the right tools and tricks. Today, I’m going to let you in on a little secret we practice at Two2Tango to put you in the right direction by reminding you why you got into it in the first place!
What is normal?
Before we start I want to emphasize that it’s very normal for the love that partners feel towards each other to fluctuate over time as a relationship matures and circumstances around the couple change. Research shows that the honeymoon stage of a relationship doesn’t last longer than a few years, and is primarily driven by a flow of oxytocin that functions solely to keep a couple together long enough to have children. Sadly, movies and pop culture have idealized the honeymoon stage so much that people falsely assume something is wrong when they aren’t feeling head over heels in love any more. In reality, there isn’t anything wrong, this is totally normal, and chasing infatuation is a trap that will never lead to long term happiness. More on that in another blog post 😉
Once the hormone high from the honeymoon phase wears off, we enter into new relationship phases where our relationship no longer immune from the impact of daily stress. Having children, new jobs, changes to finances, the nitty gritty daily routines– as life gets more complex it’s common for the functional aspects of a relationship to crowd out the more romantic and enjoyable aspects. It’s difficult to see the things you love about your partner while arguing about whose turn it is to change a baby’s diaper or having a disagreement about finances. When times get tough we could all use some help getting back to the place we started when we first fell in love. The great news is that if you are still married to your partner, that person is still in there somewhere and it’s just a matter of rediscovering them. We are here today to help.
Falling in Love with your partner again, step 1
The first step to falling in love with your partner again is answering the question ‘what’s great about your partner’? Even if you aren’t in the best place at the moment or if you’ve recently had an argument, take a deep breath and then take a moment to remember all the things that initially attracted you to this relationship. Was it their kindness? Their generosity? Their sense of humor? What would a attract a stranger to your partner? How does the outside world see them? What characteristics made you initially fall in love?
Whatever it was, make a list and write it down. The goal is to see your partner with fresh eyes. Ironically, seeing these great things without the clouded view of sharing a complicated life that leads people to fall into affairs. Afterall, outsiders’ perspectives aren’t impacted by the stress of raising a family, paying the bills or getting household work done. Instead, we invite you to avoid all of that and have an affair with your own partner yourself.
Want more help?
We know that having this list will put you one step in the right direction. If you want bonus points, share the list with your partner, start appreciating them for those things and continuously notice new things to love about your partner. Don’t have a lot of time, want some help remembering, and need more direction for the other steps? Sign up for Two2Tango and we’ll keep you on track and get you enjoying your relationship more than you ever could have imagined. In addition to falling in love with your partner you might just fall in love with us too.
